Day 13

Crampy, in the middle of the night which is not normal for me. It feels like this month was not successful. I guess I'll know tomorrow. I'm not testing early. On the bright side, I have a date Thursday. It's true that I still hope to find a dad for a kid, but I just don't see how the timing could work. I think the kid has to come first, but then it will be harder to convince a man to come on board. Anyway, the date involves swimming in the cold Bay. An adventure! The last few dates just didn't materialize, so who knows if this will happen. In my world, the path fr A to B is rarely a straight line. I couldnt find a job for a year, so I accepted one in a city I don't know or like, but I'm hoping it will give me experience so I can return to home one day. And the kid. Well, I tried for 20 years to find a baby daddy. It's not as if I rushed into the single mom thing. I just feel at the end of my options. But it would be nice to share the experience with someone, and to have someone look on proudly at the kid. Hopefully my many cousins can play that role to some degree. And I will look on proudly. That will have to be enough.