The choice to be a single mom

When you get to be 38, you have seen a lot of your friends have kids, get married, get divorced, lose pregnancies. Maybe you've lost a parent or friend. Whatever has happened, as a single woman you have probably spent hundreds of hours ruminating on your "plan". You know the plan. You were going to get married to your college sweetheart, then maybe grad school sweetheart, or some dude you meet at an alumni meeting.. But none of them stuck. And if you are like me, there have been dates- set ups, blind dates, 80 Internet dates. Perhaps you have met some men with potential who you were sorry to lose, or it's been a series of man-children who can't commit to a Saturday date on Thursday, let alone a life together. Probably you've had a combo. You waited a long time before reconsidering the plan. Well I'm done with my old plan. It's time to have a kid by myself. I'm fortunate that I have a job that now allows me to consider this possibility without going broke. I'm also less lucky, but motivated by, the fact my mom passed away last year. That kind of trauma makes you examine what is important in life. My mom really wanted me to get married and I think she was less interested in whether I had a kid. I think by the end- she was divorced for 20 years -she came around to thinking marriage wasnt so great and a baby was good enough. She was pretty incoherent by the end, but she often hallucinating having babies. So at 38 I'm taking a trip. I'm trying to get pregnant. I have considered adoption and still may go that route. It's a funny thing when you realize it's important to see your own genes reproduced in your kid. For me, I want to see my om in my kid. I find it hard to reconcile the idea of the biology being important to me with the fact that 50% of the kid's genes will come from a stranger. That's a whole different discussion. Since I started thinking seriously about this, I've learned women become single moms in a lot of different ways. Mostly not by choice. So what's so bad about it? There will be some hard times, but frankly I think it will be easier in some ways than trying to keep a man and baby happy, to just focus on one. Especially if I can afford a nanny who stays home tuesday nights when I want to go out. No negotiating whose turn it is. Not that I dislike men. I like men. I have continued to date. I have a date tomorrow in fact. But even if I found mr right right now, how could I have a baby in time? The stats after 37 are grim. I know women manage up to 42, but it's harder and less likely to work. Soil trying now. And I hope that when the kid plays toddler soccer one day, I'll meet. Nice single dad. There's no reason to assume the kid won't ever have a dad just because she doesn't have one to start. Just like the converse.